14. Older Than Everybody

Lyrics by: Peter Berryman
Music by: Lou Berryman
© 1998 L&P Berryman

Vocal & Guitar: Mike Agranoff
Recorded live in concert at Bound For Glory, Ithaca, NY October 5, 2014

Lou (as in Louise) and Peter Berryman are a performing duo whose musical partnership and close friendship has long outlasted an early marriage. Their unique brand of humor relies upon Peter's (the lyricist of the team) instinctive understanding of the mysterious neural link between the English language and the funnybone. This song, however, has become less and less funny to me as the years tick on.

1.
I went down to the Quik Check on a Thursday after dinner.
Picked up a pair of Twinkies and a cup of cocoa.
I took my place in line, and noticed over top the tabloids
You could see all our reflections in the window.
Now you would not describe me as a people-watching person,
And I’m not often one to stick my neck out.
But if someone put a gun to me and forced my estimation
I’d say I was older than everybody,
Older than everybody,
I’d say I was older than everybody at the checkout.

2.
So feeling antiquated, I arrived at a decision
To act a few years younger for an hour.
I drove down to the tavern where my roots had been firmly planted
When my years of boozing were in flower.
I drove in back to park, and found the landscape unbecoming.
The winos in the alley made me shudder.
I’m glad I turned my life around, but I’m glad I thought of this part
Where I’d be older than everybody,
Older than everybody,
Where I’d be older than everybody in the gutter.

3.
I drove up in the moonlight to my favorite cemetary,
For though I’m well aware I’m no spring chicken,
Reading all the gravestones always brightens my perspective.
After all, they’re dead, and I’m still kickin’.
Now I should have been glad that I could hike that hilly acre.
I wasn’t even really breathin’ that hard.
But when I read the dates, I had the awful realization
That I was older than everybody,
O lder than everybody,
Older than everybody in the boneyard.

4.
A little voice remarked that I could use a short vacation.
That seemed like a reasonable suggestion.
So I drove off in the night and found a motel near Milwaukee.
The desk clerk looked me over and posed a question.
He asked if I was old enough to take the senior discount,
Cause old boys stay for less at Howard Johnsons.
I said, “If I don’t get the discount, Sonny, no one gets the discount.
Cause I’m older than everybody,
Older than older than everybody,
Cause I’m older than everybody in Wisconson.

5.
Now this old bird is older than all the nighthawks in Chicago.
Older than every buzzard playin’ bingo.
Older than every turkey in almost every turkey dinner.
Older than every snowbird in Orlando.
And though I may be younger than the glaciers and the oceans,
Younger than the limestone and the granite,
And though I may be younger than these Twinkies on my dashboard,
I’m older than everybody,
Older than everybody,
I think I’m older than everybody on the planet.